Outrage after woman walks dog on campus

The move, by York Resident Natasha Hale, has been described as unnecessarily invasive. Credit: Gerald England – http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

There was uproar on Heslington East yesterday after a Heslington local took her dog for a walk through the colleges on the East campus. We spoke to Goodricke resident and fresher Thomas Cook, who first became aware of the transgression after he had gotten out of the shower and spotted the woman and her dog through his window.

“I can’t even explain how traumatic this was. There was still water dripping down from my hair and suddenly I heard this sort of ‘yipping’ noise and thought, ‘No, no, no, no’, like this can’t be happening. I ran over to the window and my worst suspicions were confirmed. I had just been having a horrible nightmare where a twenty foot tall dog was chasing me all the way up the yellow brick road to Hes West, and this was absolutely not what I needed to see.”

“Afterwards I just felt a sense of shame I can’t describe. I knew this dog wasn’t the one in my dream, but I just didn’t know what to do. I spent most of the day crying, I couldn’t even go to Willow with my flatmates that evening.”

Constantine President Usman Khan has scheduled an emergency meeting of the Student Association to discuss the possibility of a dog-walking deterring wall to block the movement of people and their canine companions from Heslington Village and Badger Hill, while Langwith Secretary Francesca Sterlini has an issued an official warning to locals on behalf of the Langwith SA.

“We will no longer abide by the unethical occupation of our home soil by these animals, and we won’t accept them walking their dogs here either”, reads the first page of Sterlini’s report.

“To anyone still considering bringing their dog into our sovereign campus, we suggest you look elsewhere or we will be forced to take drastic action.”

The Goodricke JCRC has been suspiciously quiet on this issue, though Campus Rag’s inside sources tell us that a small block of members on their committee sympathetic to the locals have overtaken the JCR and are throwing copies of The Yorker at anyone foolish enough to approach.

Whatever the outcome, we hope that no more students in halls will suffer as a result of dogs being walked across campus.