University blows 200k on monument to Satan

David Duncan has defended the statue, stating that we should all aspire to be like Satan. Credit: Nihilo –

A gigantic monument to Satan has been erected close to the Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall, which has provoked outrage since its cost was revealed by Campus Rag.

Funds from university donors and alumni were funnelled into the project, which not only saw the sculpting of a massive Satanic visage but also the transportation of the massive rock that it was then carved into. The total bill for the construction of this monument amounted to an outrageous £204,530.

The details of the cost were uncovered this week following a freedom of information request made by Campus Rag.

Following the erection of the homage to Satan, university vice-chancellor Koen Lamberts announced the unveiling ritual, in which it is believed that ten students were sacrificed to Lucifer in exchange for his blessing. It is unknown whether the ritual has had any effect on the university’s league table rankings, but York recently rose to the 21st best university in the UK.

Third year student and spelunking enthusiast Eric Stonker is upset by the new piece of Satanic decor, and had the following to say to Campus Rag:

I’m a music student and I now have to walk past this mammoth rock of Satan every day. It’s just really unnerving. I don’t feel comfortable on my way to my lectures now because Satan is always watching me, grinning at me. I had no way to know that three years into my degree Satan would become an active part in my life and I now feel like I either have to commit fully to Satanic worship or drop out, which is a never a choice I wanted to make.

In the midst of the outrage, university registrar and Amazon-published-ebook-author David Duncan has stepped out to support the university, saying, “When I found out that we were finally going to honour Satan I immediately donated all £50 I made off of my campus-thriller More Than Conquerors  which currently has a 2.5 star rating on and can be purchased for £1.44 as an ebook for your kindle.”

“I’ve always maintained the university shouldn’t be the fun police, which is one of the many lessons I’ve learnt from conversations with our Dark Lord, Saviour and Tormentor, The Arch-Prince of Evil and Destruction and the love of my life, Satan.”

“I think we could all stand to learn a lot from the ruler of Hell and corrupter of mankind.”

You can buy David Duncan’s 2.5 star campus-thriller More Than Conquerors from

Ashley Reed

My name is Ashley Reed. My hobbies include colouring in, student journalism and making small towers out of cardboard and elastic bands.

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