Welcome to Labour leadership month
Hello, and welcome to Labour leadership month here at Campus Rag. Yes, this is the day we’ve all been waiting patiently for! The candidates for the leadership election have finally been announced and the race is off to an incredibly exciting start.
For our part, Campus Rag will be providing up-to-date, impartial, cutting edge commentary, debate and analysis. Keep an eye on the website and our social feeds all throughout the month, as there’s no doubt this is going to be the biggest event in Campus Rag history.
Since Comrade Corbyn vacated his coveted spot as top dog of the second most important political party in Britain the country has sat in anticipation. Who will lead the opposition in just one month’s time? Will it be a sensible, electable man in a proper suit and tie, or will it be another scumbag in an anorak snorting on about allotments and how Palestinian people have the right to exist?
With those questions in mind, let’s take a quick peek at the candidates.
The shock candidate
The biggest surprise to come out of the nominations period is that none other than Ralph Miliband, the father to sons Ed & Dave, is running to become leader of the Labour Party. The senior Miliband has not been seen in public in many years, has not been a member of the party since the ’60s and is not an MP or Lord. Without a doubt, the election of the clear cut Corbynite crony would be an upset unlike anything in recent political memory.
Mr Miliband is running on a platform of abandoning the ‘broad church’ philosophy of the Labour Party. He intends to use the leadership of the party to purge the membership of anyone to the right of Mao. There appears to be some controversy surrounding his nomination and campaign management. It seems that his campaign is being organised primarily by several millennial Corbynistas, and he barely made the nomination threshold to run.
Mr Miliband is no less than 96 years old and, if elected, would become the oldest leader of the opposition in parliamentary history. Of course, that hardly seems likely to happen, but then Corbyn was the dark horse candidate in 2015 so it wouldn’t do to rule him out. Ralph is scheduled to appear in a debate on the 25th of December as part of the BBC Christmas TV lineup with all of the other candidates.
The more likely candidates, as we predicted, include the younger Ed Miliband and the honourable Lord Ian Austin of Dudley. Lord Austin is running as a factional candidate for Blue Labour to Win, on a platform of being tough on crime, homelessness, poverty & single parenthood. Meanwhile ‘Red Ed’ offers a repeat of his 2015 #HellYes campaign. Is Mr Miliband tough enough to win the leadership a second time? Or will the sensible Lord Austin lead Labour to victory in his populist crackdown on the poor?
These aren’t the only candidates, however! David Miliband is running on a business-friendly campaign, and is seen by many moderates as a potential saviour for the party in the polls. Many find it appalling that Ed Miliband has allowed his political ambition to outstrip his morality once more, competing not only with David but also with his own father.
Finally, Sir Keir Starmer is making a bid for the party leadership. Sir Keir promises to lead the party as a proper socialist, while also reaching out the right of the party. He has said no demand from the right is too large, and he is willing to abandon any of Labour’s ‘principles’ to satisfy them. Sir Keir is seen as a pragmatic option for a party that has been harshly divided these past 5 years. He certainly seems the sensible choice, and we look forward to interviewing him later in the month.
The next few weeks
Over the next few weeks we’ll be releasing manifestos, interviews and covering all the latest news concerning the competition. Keep your eyes peeled, as we’ll also have opinion by various Campus Rag authors that you won’t want to miss. For now, don’t go reading anything else, we’ve got all the facts you need.